


Difficult To Explain

by sambharsobs



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, Dumb Banter, F/F, Fluff, Romance, christian camps, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28697484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sambharsobs/pseuds/sambharsobs
Summary: Known sinner Edelgard enrolls as a camp counselor to make enough money to buy concert tickets. It's just one week of minding twerps that are taller than her and all the holy music. It can't be that hard, she thinks.Her fellow counselor Mercedes makes things very, very difficult.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/Mercedes von Martritz
Comments: 12
Kudos: 65





	Difficult To Explain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vulpixel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulpixel/gifts).



Edelgard hates the church.

She hates the institutionalised oppression, she hates the blind faith in unproven power, and she hates the way people in church act as if they were better than everyone just for believing in some man in the sky.

So her current occupation as a camp counsellor with the local church is...unexpected, to say the least.

Listen. She’s broke. The Oghma Wolverines are having a concert in town next month. And this was the only place that was hiring. Her taste in music suggests that she’s ready to sell her soul to the devil, but Satan’s true form is capitalism. Her 12-hour shift at the local posh grocery store can’t even get her groceries from said store.

Anyway. She’s got the job somehow. One week of taking care of kids and pretending to believe in the sky man. She can do this.

Edelgard tries not to glare at the gaggle of children exiting the bus. The average age of the 200 twerps coming to Camp Seiros is 14. And yet, they’re all taller than Edelgard.

She’s pissed.

“Oh, my,” comes a musical voice from beside her. “They get bigger each year.”

Swallowing back a snap, Edelgard turns to the other thing that’s been irritating her at this camp, the blue eyes and air-headed smile of Counsellor Mercedes.

First of all, for a woman who is so pious and holy, she’s got massive tits. Second of all, Edelgard hates how keenly perceptive the older woman is, especially now.

So, she grunts, “It’s the genetics.” It has to be, because the alternative is too horrible to hear.

“Oh, of course,” hums Mercedes, smiling serenely.

Edelgard turns away with a scowl.

Registration complete, the rest of the day passes by with relative ease. Dinnertime arrives, and she’s in-charge of the buffet. Edelgard hasn’t seen so much high-quality food in her entire adult life. The kids are giddy with excitement and new friendship, and the squeaky quality to their behaviour grates on Edelgard’s nerves.

But before the meal comes Grace, so once everyone has their plates, they bend their head in prayer. Head Counsellor Rhea stands at one end of the hall, mike in hand, and smiles belligerently at everyone.

“Welcome to Camp Serios, campers.”

Edelgard can’t believe people are actually cheering. Next to her and minding the gravy is Mercedes, smiling and clapping along.

“Over the next week, it is my hope that the Holy message touches your souls for a lifetime. We all have divinity within us, and we at Camp Seiros hope that you can bring it to the forefront.”

Head Counsellor Rhea’s voice has this airy tone to it that sounds like she’s two tabs of ecstasy deep, and Edelgard wonders if that’s why people enjoy going to Church.

“However, I should say one thing. If anyone of you are found breaking any of the rules at this camp, you will be promptly punished and removed from the premises forcibly.”

Well, that took a turn. The hall sits in a stunned silence.

“But aside from that. I hope you make some lifelong connections at this camp.”

The airy quality has returned to her voice. Edelgard has whiplash.

“Now let us say Grace.”

Edelgard bends her head and closes her eyes, ready to pretend for the next one minute. But then soft fingers graze her knuckles.

She looks up to Mercedes’ smile, soft and gentle.

Suppressing a sigh, Edelgard unfurls her fist and lets their fingers intertwine. Mercedes bends her head, smile widening.

Counsellor Rhea starts saying something or the other, but Edelgard can only focus on the softness of Mercedes’ fingers, long and delicate, clutching her hand with a tenderness that Edelgard isn’t quite used to.

When the prayer ends, Mercedes shoots her a soft look.

“I’m looking forward to spending time with you this week, Edelgard.”

The cold metal spoon feels harsher, compared to Mercedes’ soft palm.

“Yeah, me too.”

Edelgard ignores Mercedes’ musical giggle and focuses on the pile of vegetables before her.

-

It's been three days, and she's finally got the afternoon free. Edelgard has had it with all the Jesus talk, and settles down underneath a tree, headphones in and ready to unwind with some unholy music, her favourite.

She's only two songs into favourite metal band, Umbral Steel, when someone disturbs her.

"Oh, Edelgard, I'm so sorry to bother you."

"No matter, Mercedes. What's up?"

"The thing is…" Mercedes bites her lip. "Counsellor Seteth isn't feeling very well, and can't help me with the afternoon activity for the day. Would you be able to pitch in? I'm so sorry, I know it's your break, but no one else is free."

Edelgard supreses an irritated sigh, and forces a smile on her face. "Sure, no problem. Is Seteth okay?"

"Oh, yes. Um...one of the kids pulled a prank on him by tripping him up with some string, and his back hurts from the fall."

 _Don't laugh._ "Oh, that sucks."

Mercedes giggles. "It was pretty funny."

Edelgard grins.

Standing up and dusting off the grass on her pants, she asks, "So what's the activity?"

"Kayaking."

Edelgard freezes.

This proves that there is no God, because an omnipresent and all-knowing lad wouldn't send a hydrophobe into the water. She's been afraid of water since she was a child, having nearly drowned at a local creek when she was playing with her siblings.

So this isn't exactly an activity she can participate in, much less supervise a bunch of rowdy teenagers.

"Edelgard? Is something wrong?"

Mercedes is looking at her with gentle concern in her eyes, and Edelgard hates the fear that bubbles in her throat.

So she says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go."

She'd rather drown than be vulnerable around Mercedes.

At the waterfront beside the camp, the kids are slipping into their safety jackets and picking kayaks and oars. Edelgard hasn't seen such upper-class bullshit in her life. About thirty minutes of photographs later, the kids finally enter the water.

Standing just far enough from the water, Edelgard fiddles with her lifejacket restlessly. They'll need to follow the kids into the water, keeping an eye out for stupid behaviour.

"Edelgard, can you help me?"

She turns to see Mercedes struggling with a kayak. "Oh, here."

She grabs the sides of the boat and lifts it easily.

“Where do I put it?” It’s much bigger than her, and she needs to put it somewhere lest she lose balance.

But Mercedes only looks at her appreciatively. “My, my, you’re very strong.”

Edelgard blinks, trying to process the new information that the camp counsellor who will most definitely become a nun after she finishes her Theology course is checking her out. Very unashamedly, might she add.

Is she even allowed to flirt back? Is that against the God Laws, or something?

Luckily, Mercedes breaks her slack-jawed silence with a giggle of, “Do you want help putting it into the water?”

“Uh. No.”

With the kayak bobbing at the edge of the water, Edelgard tries to think of a point of entry rather than the fear bubbling in her chest. The thing is buoying too hard to provide any balance from the bottom, so she needs to grip the edge and-

With a splash that makes the kayak wobble dangerously, Mercedes jumps in.

“Here, I’ll help you.”

Edelgard blinks at Mercedes’ outstretched hand before taking it, carefully entering the kayak without disturbing everything. She sits down, and realises that this thing bounces too excitedly on the waves for her comfort.

“Don’t be afraid. The boat will be steadier in the water.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“Oh, of course.”

Edelgard ignores Mercedes’ knowing smile to reach for the oars.

When Mercedes doesn’t move, Edelgard says, “You’re not going to help?”

“Well, I thought you’d be better at it, with those strong muscles.”

That’s _definitely_ flirting. But the jury’s not out yet on flirting back.

So Edelgard grunts, “Enjoy the view.”

“Oh, I will.”

Edelgard glares at Mercedes’ delighted giggles, and starts rowing. The movements are simple, but offer little comfort when she’s actually in the water. The boat rocks and jostles with the waves, and her heart leaps at every little movement. She tries to ignore it by focusing on the movements, but it only serves to remind her where she is, in the middle of a river, this close to going overboard.

Her breathing speeds up.

“Did you know I used to live in a church?”

Edelgard looks away from the blue water to Mercedes’ blue eyes, twinkling in the afternoon light.

“Really?”

“Oh, yes. You’d suspect that living in a church would be relatively humdrum, but we saw our fair share of scandals.”

“Like what? A nun’s skirt showed a glimpse of an ankle?”

“Oh, you. Well, actually, we did have a couple of those. But we there was this once-” Mercedes breaks off the sentence to hide her mouth as she giggles.

Edelgard suddenly wonders if her lips are as soft as her fingers.

No. No gay thoughts. Bad.

“There was this once when we had someone come in for a confession,” continues Mercedes, smiling conspiratorially. “And well, he had been unfaithful to his wife, but decided to have a very tearful, and very loud, breakdown in the confessional.”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to overhear that kind of private conversation?”

“Oh, come, now. There’s nothing bad about a bit of gossip. Like you said, exposed ankles get boring after some time.”

Edelgard barks out a laugh. The boat wobbles dangerously at the sudden movement, and fear grips her heart.

“Oh, also, did I tell you about the time one of the nuns gave birth in the wine storage room?”

“Okay, that cannot be true.”

“It is.” Mercedes giggles. “The baby is currently studying to be a pastor.”

Edelgard blinks. “Isn’t sex tabboo in your pursuit to be a child of God, or something?”

“Who told you that, now?”

“Uh...literally every religious person?”

“That’s such an outdated view.”

Edelgard frowns. This woman is difficult to decipher, and it irritates her.

“What’s the trending view, then?”

“Well, anything in excess is bad,” hums Mercedes.

Edelgard waits, looking at her expectantly.

“But we cannot reflect on human desire if we are unaware of it, right?”

Mercedes’ smile turns teasing and sly, and Edelgard tries to focus on not breaking camp rules on counsellor fornication.

Well, it looks like her distraction tactic worked, because she’s not focusing on the water anymore. Edelgard isn’t sure if she should be upset or grateful.

-

Finally, she’s almost free.

It’s been one full week of people singing hymns, seeing the divinity in everything, or randomly bursting into prayer. For someone with different musical tastes, a believer of science, and a fan of only shouting God’s name in vain, this week has been hard on Edelgard, emotionally.

The week has almost come to an end, and she’s going to get that fat check on her way out, and she can finally buy those concert tickets. She just needs to get through the final hurdle: dance night.

There’s nothing worse than managing horny teenagers in a dimly-lit auditorium, pretending to be ‘music-drunk’ and falling all over themselves.

“Already practicing our angry face, are we?”

Mercedes walks up to her, and Edelgard almost chokes on her own spit. She’s wearing a lavender dress that plunges low enough to explain why she’s so grateful to God. Edelgard, dressed in a simple dress shirt and dress pants, wonders if being holy exempts you from the dress code.

“Someone needs to put them in place, and you’re too nice to do it.”

“I’m not nice _all_ the time, I’ll have you know.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“That can be arranged.”

Let her rephrase her earlier statement: the only thing worse than managing horny teenagers in a dimly-lit auditorium, pretending to be ‘music-drunk’ and falling all over themselves, is doing that while your fellow counsellor eye-bangs you through the night, like she is now.

Mercedes shimmies away with another mystifying giggle, leaving Edelgard thinking very unholy thoughts in church camp.

As the kids pour into the hall dressed for the party, Edelgard watches the older woman going about the business of supervision on the other end of the room. The music, played by, um, ‘DJ Seth-Dawg’, is what she’s come to expect at this point - raunchy pop songs with expletives replaced with some form of God-loving words. There’s even a disco ball, somehow.

Catching Edelgard’s staring, Mercedes throws her a wink that makes the stuffy auditorium stuffier.

Listen, Mercedes isn’t so bad. She’s pretty chill, and Edelgard is pretty sure that she’s only being polite by believing Edelgard’s lie that she’s a child of God, or whatever. Unnerving ability to look through people and see exactly who they are aside, she’s funny and laid-back, if not a little clumsy.

And she’s hot. Has Edelgard mentioned her chest? Because that’s the one thing she’s willing to believe was sent by the divine.

Edelgard is broken from the train of thought that was definitely going somewhere bad by one of the kids grabbing her hand, and pulling.

“What th-”

“C’mon, Counsellor Edelgard, join us for this one!”

It’s one of those songs that is popular for its catchy dance, and as much as Edelgard does not want to, there are five children hauling her to the dancefloor before she can say it.

Thrown into the middle of the dancefloor, she explodes into a laugh at the sight of Head Counsellor Rhea and Vice Counsel- sorry, ‘DJ Seth-Dawg’ busting out their moves, which are as ancient and out-of-touch as you’d expect.

This isn’t her music, but she’s a good sport, so she dances along with the kids. Her moves aren’t perfect, but she can admit she’s having fun. From the corner of her eye, she can see Mercedes dancing with some kids, eyes sparkling brighter than the disco ball.

Quickly averting her eyes, she realises that the kids are smugly grinning at her. Shit.

“Alright, that’s enough for me. No, really! I’m going to combust, I need some air.”

And she makes a beeline for the exit, slipping out of the auditorium and scurrying to a quiet corner to breathe in some fresh air.

She’s being too obvious in there, and she needs to take a second to gather herself. Standing in the moonlight, this seems to be a good, safe space. As long as-

“Not a fan of dancing, are we?”

The woman is a ghost.

“Not particularly.”

“What a shame,” hums Mercedes, smiling. “You dance so well.”

“So do you.”

“Why, thank you. I try to impress, and it seems as though I’ve been successful.”

Edelgard wonders, grumpily, if this is how all religious women are - insufferably nice and vague.

Well, fuck it. She’s done tomorrow morning, and after that, she’s never coming here again.

“Mercedes, be honest with me.”

“Okay.”

“What do you want?”

“Well, a chair would be heavenly. My feet are killing me.”

“No, not-” Edelgard breathes an exasperated sigh, and tries again. “From me. What do you want from me?”

“Will you get me a chair?”

“Mercedes.”

“Edelgard.”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes.”

Edelgard throws her hands up in the air. “Was that so hard?”

Mercedes giggles. “No, not really.”

Rubbing her forehead tiredly, she says, “You sure have a weird way of going about it.”

“You could have just asked, you know.”

“How was I to know?”

“I thought I was dropping hints very well.”

“You are training to become a nun. What was I supposed to do, kiss you on that kayak?”

“That would have been very romantic,” sighs Mercedes. “But it might have sent us both overboard.”

“I don’t- I don’t know what to say. What the hell, Mercedes.”

Mercedes giggles, and her eyes shine in the moonlight. Edelgard’s head hurts, and it’s not just from the music in the auditorium.

“Well, so then-” Oh, fuck, wait. Oh. “So, then-”

Mercedes hums, looking expectant.

Edelgard sighs.

And then cups Mercedes’ cheek and pulls her down for a kiss. Soft arms encircle her torso, and she’s plush up against Mercedes’ gentle frame. Her lips feel like clouds, and they move lazily along Edelgard’s, pressing just firm enough for her to taste her lip balm.

When they part, Mercedes is glowing, and smiles down at her mildly. There’s an odd satisfaction in her eyes, and Edelgard blinks at it before it makes sense. She breaks into a frown.

“I can’t believe you.”

“What did I do?”

“You know.”

“I don’t. What did I do, Edelgard?”

To wipe that smug smile off her face, Edelgard pulls Mercedes down for another kiss, and this time, there’s no softness in it. Mercedes meets her lips with an intensity that makes her head spin, teeth and tongue just as teasing as her smile.

“Can we-”

“Not in _church camp_ , Edelgard.”

“You’re joking.”

“I’m serious. Remember what Head Counsellor Rhea said?”

Edelgard groans and covers her face with her hands. She’s had it with this place.

Mercedes simply laughs into the night sky.

-

“So let me get this straight.”

“Mmhm.”

“You went to a Christian Camp. You. Edelgard von Hresvelg.”

“To make money for tickets, Hubert.”

“That doesn’t explain the girlfriend.”

“You want me to be honest?”

“Yes, please.”

“I can’t explain her either.”

**Author's Note:**

> merry christmas kip hope u liked it <3
> 
> My [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sadsambharsobs)!


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